Ok maybe you were just born there and slowly start to realize how messed up your country is. This is how I felt about my home country around the age of 13. I was in the 7th or 6th grade, and was on auto-pilot most of the time. Just going to class, listening to music, burning CDs, and chatting with the few friends I had. Then one of my friends handed me a copy of the Communist Manifesto. It was a little red book almost the size of a passport. I thumbed through it, it was mostly over my head, but it got me thinking. This school I HAVE to go to, could be different. The small town I live in, could be different. The whole country could be radically changed, if only we had a vision and the will to change it.
Now I have never had a grand vision of how society ought to be, but I always wished life was a bit more pleasant. Less traffic, less concrete, more grass, more trees. I wished we all didn’t have to work 40hrs a week. I wished my friends listened to me more. I wish my ideas weren’t met with such puzzlement and hostility. All these wishes could be solved by self-improvement, but it seemed like my attempts at self improvement never got me anywhere. One semester in college I took a weight training course. I pumped iron hard for 1hr 2 times a week. I started eating nothing but chicken creasts and salad. I was strong and cut. But not a single woman paid me a compliment. I even asked a fraternity brother if he wanted to join me at the gym. His response was, “There’s not a gym for your face.” I started to see life/society as this immovable force that I had no hope of changing. I joined a libertarian group in college and attempted to pass out flyers at the mall. We got kicked out, another door closed.
I was never a big TV watcher, but I knew enough to get the idea that money = status. So I thought maybe I needed status to get friends/women. So I ran a little experiment. I went to a fancy clothing store and bought a $80 shirt. I wore this shirt to multiple parties. Was I accepted? Did people think I had money and wanted to be my friend? Kind of. The Mexican exchange students invited me over, but at around 11pm they would all switch over to Spanish and I was left standing there with no one to talk to. The even got a picture of me slobbering drunk with this woman I had a crush on. I think she was smirking, almost laughing at my desperate state.
So the world/society is a big system that you cannot change, you cant even really game it. People are wayy to savvy to be tricked by the appearance of power. They want the real thing. So what really give you power in this society. Or any society. Social acceptance. I’m kind of jumping the gun here, but North Korea and America are similar in that if people don’t like you, your not getting anywhere. You can get a job, earn money, spend money, try and fake real power but people know. The best your gonna get living outside the system is a ragtag group of outsiders who will drop you at in instant if offered a seat at the big table.
North Korea is a totalitarian dictatorship. Where adherence to the rules and love of the leader are vital for a citizens survival. In America there is more leeway but there are similar rules. We have no leader, but I guess our leader is our collective nehibors. America is a charity society. If your not willing to help others, you are labeled a malcontent and you drop to the underclass. The majority justifies it as non-conformity, anti-social behavior, pre-criminality, mental illness… Really whatever it takes to strip you of any rights they want to take away. In America you don’t get thrown in jail for insubordination, just excluded from all the right social circles.
So in a way, America is a more brutal system because the rules are hidden, the punishment is permanent and immediate. I see old ladies at the grocery store struggling to walk around, but realistically how am I going to help? Walk with them at a snails pace and pick every thing they want off the shelf? Then pay for it too? How many times do I have to perform this charity before I am let back in the cool kids club? How many more times do I have to let somone cut infront of me in traffic before I am deemed pro-social? How many inconveniences must I endure before I get my “Patient” ribbon. See asking all these questions just reinforces societies assumption that I am a robotic status seeker. But they see these same systems too, they are simply better as faking sincerity.
So I went to Costco and it was hella crowded and noisy. The biggest obstacle is the people standing directly infront of the shelves where your few items are located. And the whole time I am in a state of panic because I know I am being judged on my patience/curtosey. But after a 30min drive, 30 min dodging old ladies with my shopping cart, I am exhausted. So at the checkout I throw my heavy rolls of aluminum foil on the metal counter. The attendant comes over and says, “here let me scan that so you don’t have to throw it.” Now is this just be being tired or angry. When you live in an oppressive regime, getting snitched on is a serious worry. The worst thig about this regime is the rules are never written, and the expectations are always changing.
This I why I don’t have a job. I have been labeled a malcontent. And as I languish in the underclass, all my cohorts pass me by in life goal achievement. Evan if I were to suddenly pass all their tests, and get accepted back into the club. I would still be an outsider. I would be the “slow learner.”
The last thing I wanted to talk about was how I never had any purpose in my life and all the system enforces had the great and immediate purpose of pushing me into the underclass. I was always listless and grasping at straws for something. I wanted a cheat code to rocket me to the top. I wanted love and acceptance with minimal effort. Now just because I was naïve and aloof, doesn’t mean I was bad. But the hall-monitors thought I was crazy or evil. That gave them all the justification they needed to test me and exclude me from all normal life experiences. While I was struggling to have my 1st real relationship, they were all in bed with their partners discussing what new test they were going to subject me to. They had everything I wanted. Especially the knowledge of how the world actually worked. I made soo many mistakes because I couldn’t see the prison bars surrounding me. I couldn’t see the uniforms of the guards. I couldn’t read facial features, so I never registered disgust when I failed a test. It was truly hopeless for me to survive or thrive in this system.
So I look back at my wasted life and see a few friends and connection. But how many of those were real? How many of those people were just in my life to keep tabs or test me? How many potential friends were pulled away when the more popular kids swooped in and told the other guy about my low status? How many potential dates were tipped off by my undesirability before even meeting me. And I’m not attractive enough to overcome the fear of mutual ostracism.
Closing thoughts. Understand the system you are in. Truly learn the rules. Don’t open your mouth until you do. If door aren’t opening for you, its because someone has hidden the key.
guidetolifeanddeath 